Issues and Thank yousFirst, I would like to thank everyone for all the kind words, cyber hugs and encouragement with dealing with the recent miscarraige.
It was my third and sometimes it's hard to give up hope.
I went from not knowing if I could get pregnant to knowing/accepting/being ecstatic that I could get pregnant to not knowing if I can stay pregnant. Which is where I am right now.
I know if it is in the cards for me, in the divine scheme and plan of things that it will happen when the time is right. When the moment and the man who is meant to be the father of any children I may have is available and ready (though don't quite know who that could be at the moment but that's another issue).
And I admittedly have issues. I love children and babies but I can't hold them at times or be around them. My best friend and his wife just had a child this past week and while I'm happy in my heart and soul. I just can't express it yet. I can't look at the pictures without the longing and hopes and even a few tears. Cause truthfully, it hurts just a little bit.
There are some who say I should talk about it or be so open about it. But if I can help someone, give support to someone who is going through what I am, put a face and a voice to the issues of infertility, miscarriages, endometriosis then I've done something good and made a difference. If we don't talk about it, just keep our emotions inside then it becomes like a disease that festers and eats away at us. For far too long I've held things in and kept quiet, doing what others wanted instead of what I wanted and needed. Not anymore. If you don't like it, don't read it. But one thing that I've discovered, is that it helps to talk? Plus, you never know who will be listening, if it helps one person, shows them that they are not alone or the only one going through this or someone understands then I will keep at it.
I will get through and we will survive with prayer and perserverence